PET'S PERSPECTIVE
December 2011
Tossing a mouse about ~ Click to enlarge
Emerging from my litter box with super powers
Click to enlarge
I'm a fuzzy walking stomach on four legs. I try to eat at least three times my bodyweight in food each day. Most days I'm successful. I supplement my diet with rodent parts. The butt end is my favorite. I eat it last after flinging it about for an hour or two.
I was orphaned when I was four-weeks old and my mom-cat disappeared. Then I got a surrogate mom-cat who is really weird looking because she doesn't have pointy ears or a tail and walks around on her hind feet all day. But I love her anyway. I like lots of her food too. In an effort to bulk-out to the max I try sticking my nose in her food until she gives it up. (Hmmm, odd - she never seems to fight me for those tasty mouse chunks, though.) My favorite upright-cat foods are eggs, cheese, squash, raw spinach and avocado. Given my eating habits it's probably no surprise that I burp a lot.
The upright mom-cat calls me Fizzbit. But I think of myself as Rex, a.k.a. Ambush Kitty. I love to hide next to a doorjamb and then launch myself like a flying squirrel onto unsuspecting intruders by wrapping myself around their perpendicular hind legs. HA! We stealth kitties have it all over those gigantic hind-legged perpendiculars!
Sometimes on a full moon I get super powers. I go into my litter box and when I emerge, Shazam! I have transformed into Spazmoidal Cat, a Kryptonian Mouse-eating Monster. On these rare occasions, I am faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall litter boxes in a single bound, because I possess super-strength, super-speed, x-ray vision, flight, and invulnerability, not to mention supreme rodent-catching capabilities. My super-feline powers are also enhanced when I ingest flies and grasshoppers that are imbued with the extraterrestrial light of dwarf stars, pulsars, and quasars.
So, take note, mere mouses, and all the Rodes down in Rodentville, because I am your worst nightmare.